even with my religion, i tried so hard to make god an integral part of my life, but i didn’t see any return on it. i wasn’t happier, my life wasn’t easier, nor was it easier to cope with anything, and i felt like what i had to say fell on deaf ears.

now i believe one hundred percent that God is real, the christian god, but i also feel like he doesn’t really do a whole lot for me. like all my prayer is more for me than for him.

and i dont really know what to do about it.

anyways though, i just wish all my effort would work for me most of the time. maybe i just need to drop what doesn’t truly matter to me and focus on the things that do, which i thought i had done already.

guess not